Pavane pour une infante défunte
by Lighthot
Summary: Opening his eyes, he sees before him something familiar, but he can't remember where it came from. Upon further investigation, it seems that strange things are happening. What in the world is going on? (Otonashi amnesia story)
1. Chapter 1

He recognized the building.

And yet, at the same time, didn't understand how.

It was an old and derelict establishment, a simple wooden house in the countryside. The roof had been overtaken by vines, as if it had been left there for a very long time. It stood in the middle of a valley, surrounded by a tree-covered mountains, with long, uncut grass around the house save for a small dirt path leading up to it. There was also a tree, slightly tilted to one side, as if the wind came one day and tried to uproot it, but only managed to shift it slightly. It looked frail, as if it had seen years and years of weathering.

He could see that the path led somewhere, towards a small tunnel that seemed to serve as an exit to the outside. The tunnel itself was fairly large, but all he could see coming from it was an indistinguishable bright light, so he decided it was worth investigating later.

He took a longer look at the house. It was a Japanese style cottage, with long wooden beams running in a rectangular pattern, over slightly weathered white (or what used to be white) walls. There was a window on either side, barely more than an opening with wooden bars reaching from top to bottom. The door seemed more than a little brittle, but stood firmly in place despite the overgrowth that occurred around it.

Looking up, he noticed the weather. There were many clouds, enough to block out the sky, and it seemed like it could rain at any moment. He felt that staying outside wouldn't yield any more information to him, so he decided to enter the house. Plus, he was also curious to see what the inside held.

He approached the door, knocking on it twice. "Hello? Is anyone inside?" He waited about half a minute, then, not receiving a response, entered.

He looked around as he entered the house, squinting a bit due to the low visibility. "Hello? Is there anyone there?" he called out. Again, no response. He turned on a small lamp in the middle of the foyer, taking his shoes off as he entered. As the light illuminated the room, he felt something somewhat familiar, but he couldn't quite place the feeling. It felt like something vaguely nostalgic.

He walked around the house, getting a feel for his surroundings. For some reason, he could tell where some of the rooms were located before seeing them, which seemed strange. To the left of the foyer, the kitchen, which held a small dining area. In the hallway to the right, a few rooms, and a bathroom at the end. Beyond the door in front of him, a common room.

To his surprise, his predictions were all correct. The house was laid out exactly as he'd thought. As he sat down at the small dining table, he questioned the peculiar situation he was in.

Then, out of nowhere, a bolt of pain.

It was a flash of incredible agony, and he felt his mind seemingly break apart. The pain was mind-numbing, and he immediately fell to the floor, clutching his head tightly, as if the pressure would somehow relieve the pain.

But, in that moment, something returned to him. A _memory_.

 _Blurry figures around him, muffled voices, and food on the table. It seemed as if he was having dinner in this vague recollection. He felt younger, similar to a child. There was a sense of security, a sense of… something. A feeling he lost many years ago, he felt. But with it came something else. Another feeling, not a happy one. Sorrow, grief. The whole thing made him want to laugh and shed tears at the same time. It was inharmoniously conflicting._

And then it vanished, as quickly as it came, and he was back on the ground, panting in a cold sweat, left with a splitting headache, and two words.

"Otonashi... Yuzuru?" It seemed to be a name. As he repeated it in his head, it became more familiar. Then he realized: It was _his_ name.

It then occurred to him: he couldn't remember anything. That recent memory and a name the only things he remembered about his past.

Yuzuru sat up, enlightened by the shocking revelation. He really couldn't remember anything. No family, no friends, no places, nothing. He wasn't sure which he was more afraid of, the lack of memories or, if the last one served as any indication, the pain of them returning.

He felt tired, and went to one of the rooms he passed on his exploration of the house. For some reason he felt more and more fatigued as he passed through the house, not knowing why. He noticed some faded writing on the door, but was too tired to think about it. He saw a futon on the ground, and had to control himself from collapsing right then and there. Navigating himself above the futon, he let the heavy fog of sleep take over.


	2. Chapter 2

A large period of time seemed to go by while Yuzuru was asleep, or at least, that's what it felt like.

As he woke up, another memory came back to him, with not as much pain as the first. He knew the room seemed familiar, but the memory proved it.

 _It was himself, he was sure of it, waking up. Nothing special, just like any other normal day. The surrounding of the room was a little brighter, with what seemed to be various toys lying around, as well as a small bookshelf. Light was pouring in through the window, illuminating the scene._

Then he snapped back to reality, his mind feeling a dull pain. Noticeable, but not the searing pain of the last.

Yuzuru sat up, trying to make sense of the strange situation he was in. What did it mean? He couldn't remember anything but the two small snippets that came to him. He decided to go outside to cool off.

Returning to the spot he was in the first time he came to, he noticed something slightly unnerving.

Everything was still. The clouds were in the same position they were in yesterday. There was only a very faint breeze, and he could see a leaf in mid-air, as if it had broken off a tree and was trying to float down to the ground. But it was suspended, unmoving. Nothing was moving, changing, except for the open door and the footprints he left in the ground. Time itself seemed to stand still.

He dashed back in the house, looking for something - anything that could prove the natural flow of time.

Alas, Yuzuru found no such thing. Instead, he found quite the opposite. The hands on the clock in the kitchen didn't move. Another thing he noticed, the environment seemed… _off_. Apart from the outside, everything seemed… perfect. Sterile, even. All the things in all the rooms were properly placed, books on the bookshelf aligned, as if nobody had moved them since they were placed there. In the kitchen, the utensils were all stored in their respective compartments, and the washroom was completely clean. Struggling to comprehend, Yuzuru wandered back into the kitchen, where his first memory returned.

He spent the rest of the day wandering around, mulling things over in his head. It was a pointless gesture, as was previously proven, as nothing he didn't already know or figure out revealed itself to him.

"Blurry figures, not very useful, voices, too muffled to hear, food, unimportant… Wait, food?"

He then realized he wasn't hungry. Not even a bit.

And that he didn't remember eating anything since coming to. Panicking, he tried to list out the events.

"Lost memories, time not moving, not needing to eat… Dammit! What's going on?!"

It was all happening too fast. Where was he? What was happening to him? Why? How? Yuzuru hit the wall in frustration. If he could just _remember…_

He slumped to the floor in defeat. He couldn't make sense of things, and the panicked state he was in wasn't helping.

Yuzuru sighed to himself. The situation was hopelessly frustrating, and also taxing on the mind. After what seemed to be hours, he decided to take a break from the mental strain brought on by the immense amount of thinking he had been doing, and went outside to lie under the tree.

He closed his eyes, feeling his muscles untense and his mind relax. It was peaceful, just lying there. It was as if nothing mattered, and the problems he had just seemed to fade away.

Then, from underneath his eyelids, he noticed a tiny beam of light pierce the dark.

He opened his eyes, and turned his head, finding the source of the peculiar light. It was coming from the path leading into the tunnel from the front of the house. Remembering he hadn't looked closely at it, Yuzuru moved closer.

Walking closer to the light, he had to squint his eyes as the light shone brighter. As he moved forward, step by step, he felt as if something was calling him from the other side. Looking at the light longer, he became entranced by it, as if he was mesmerized by the _something_ on the other side.

Then he noticed something. It was suddenly cold. Freezing, in fact. The closer he was to the light the colder he felt. Suddenly the light didn't seem very inviting.

Yuzuru shivered, and didn't move any farther closer or away. He knew going through the light would do something, he just didn't know what.

He stood there for what felt like a good couple of minutes, rooted to the ground with uncertainty.

He felt that feeling from the other side again. The impulse to move ahead, to move on.

He took a step forward, uncertainly going closer to the light. He could reach it now, it was barely an arm's length away. He leaned in a little bit, convinced that this would be the best for him.

But, at that moment, he heard a sound.

It was coming from behind him, faintly but consistently.

A sound… Yuzuru hadn't heard anything but his own voice and the things he moved, but this sound was coming from somewhere else.

He then remembered that there were many things left unanswered, and also the curiosity of the sound made him snap out of his trance-like state.

He quickly backed away from the light, eventually turning around and walking back towards the house, trying to hear where the sound was coming from.

The weather cleared up for the first time.


	3. Chapter 3

As if following a siren's call, Yuzuru followed the sound to a narrow trail behind the house. It was a gravel trail, leading up towards one of the mountains. He promptly walked onto the trail, following the sound.

As he walked along the path, his head started pounding, so he knew what was coming.

 _The sky was a clear blue, with a single cloud lazily drifting along the empty space. There was a blurred figure, leading him forward along the trail by the arm._

" _Come on! It's this way!" a high-pitched voice spoke. It was the figure speaking, for sure._

 _The figure was short, a child. It had long hair and was wearing a dress, a young girl. The figure was facing him, but he couldn't make out her features. The atmosphere was light, and he was sure the girl was a friend, a close one._

And with that, he returned to reality. Another memory, seemingly from his childhood, just like the other two. Surprisingly, his head recovered very quickly, clearing up after a few seconds.

He didn't have time to think it over, however. He quickly resumed his search for the sound, which seemed ever closer and a little bit louder.

As the sound grew to an audible level, he recognized it as a piano's sound. It was a quiet melody, a song with a muted tone. While walking ever forward, listening to the song more, he somehow was aware that he knew the piece.

Reaching into the back of his mind, searching for an answer, he finally recognized the song.

 _Pavane pour une Infante Défunte,_ Pavane for a Dead Princess, by Ravel. He was sure of it, although, like many things, he wasn't sure how he knew the piece in the first place.

He was approaching a turn in the path, and the music seemed like it was almost right in front of him. Yuzuru was sure he was almost at the source of the piece.

And then, without warning, another memory returned.

 _He was staring at a slightly peculiar scene. In front of him was a small clearing, surrounded on one side by the mountainside, and the other by trees. Seemingly out of place and yet perfectly fitting, in the center of the clearing lay a grand piano on a small white marble platform._

 _The girl ran in front of him, suddenly turning around and saying: "Do you like it? This is the surprise I wanted to show you!"_

 _Yuzuru and the girl spent the rest of that afternoon playing the piano, and the last thing he remembered was the girl looking at his with a bright smile on her face._

Yuzuru, returning to his current self, dispelled the memory, focussing on the current situation. He turned the corner, and to his astonishment…

The sight he saw fit the previous memory exactly. The mountain, the trees, and the piano were all in the exact place they were in the memory. Coming from the piano was the sweet yet melancholic music of Ravel. Surprised, Yuzuru lost focus for a second, but then noticed something different from picture.

Sitting at the piano, hands slowly moving, eyes closed, fingers pressing the keys, was the pianist. Yuzuru bemused himself, of course there would be. What else could have been making the sound? Yuzuru took a second look at the person, trying to figure out who it was.

The person was female. She was wearing a simple but elegant white dress, and had slender limbs. Her hair was long, a metallic silver, and she didn't seem very tall. She was looking straight at the keys of the piano, sideways from where Yuzuru was standing. As she played, Yuzuru caught a glimpse of her face. She had a pointed visage, and her eyes were a dull gold. Her expression seemed to be one of melancholy, one that had seen hardships, one that had felt sorrow. The way the light poured into the clearing, it made her look like she had wings, like an angel.

She was beautiful. And yet, she looked sad.

Yuzuru was sure of another thing. She was the girl from his recent memories. They were identical in every way, just that the one in front of him was older.

Yuzuru stood in silence, entranced by the sad tone of the music. Not knowing what to do, all he could do was stand and listen, as he didn't want to interrupt her.

The girl reached the end of her song, and lifted her head. Noticing Yuzuru, she sat up abruptly, her eyes widened in surprise.

Yuzuru didn't know what to say. He had so many questions, but his voice choked. He reached toward the girl, not able to do anything else.

The girl looked at Yuzuru for a bit, then her expression turned back from one of surprise to one of unhappiness. Silently, she stood up, then turned around, and vanished.

She just disappeared. One moment Yuzuru saw her, the next, she was gone. It was so strange, Yuzuru wasn't sure if he hadn't just imagined the whole thing. No, it was too real to be his imagination. Plus, he could bet that the sound was real. It had snapped him out of a moment where he would have done something potentially irreversible.

Yuzuru, finally snapping out of his trance-like state, walked forward towards the platform.

The piano was in a surprisingly good condition despite being kept outside in the elements. There were little signs of wear, but it wasn't brand new either. It was a Steinway & Sons grand, one of the best quality and expensive pianos in the world, Yuzuru remembered.

Yuzuru, hovering above the piano, unconsciously moved his hand above the keys, almost as if it were… calling him. Did he play the piano? He wasn't sure. The strange thing was, it felt completely natural to him. He sat down, and rested his fingers on the keys of the piano.

Then, as if by magic, his hands and began to move. His fingers danced on the keys, his arms leapt as his mind told them to play a melody.

 _Clair de Lune_ , by Debussy. How he knew the piece, or how to play the piano at all, he couldn't remember. What he did notice was how effortlessly his fingers moved, despite the quick pace and complicated notes of the song.

He finished the song, and his fingers glided off the keyboard.

 _He was sitting in front of a piano. Beside him, an adult, perhaps a teacher? She seemed to be congratulating him. Yuzuru was breathing heavily, as if tired by something. The adult spoke, but he couldn't make out the words. Then, Yuzuru lifted his arms again, and began to play. As he played, he felt something. Pride? Determination? No, that wasn't it._

 _Joy._

 _He felt happy to be able to play the large instrument, and to be capable of such a high difficulty._

Of course.

That's why.

He knew the piano, as closely as if it were a part of him. Looking back, he wondered how he ever remembered a life without it. The songs, the music… He knew all of it.

It was as if the piano reciprocated, offering a memory back to him, just for doing something he knew so well.

Somehow he knew that the way to get his memories back was through the piano. Different songs would reveal different parts of his past.

Right now, however, he couldn't think of any more.

Frustrated, he returned to the house. All of the things weighing down on his mind seemed to lighten a bit with the recent revelations. The memories, he noticed, seemed to return without pain anymore, as he seemed to be getting used to it. As strange as the world was, he was sure his memories would reveal everything.

Feeling tired once more, Yuzuru went back to the bed and slept.


	4. Chapter 4

Yuzuru woke up, feeling refreshed. Having a clear goal in mind, he went back out to the path leading back up to the clearing.

Remembering the girl from his memories, the one he saw at the piano before, he wondered if he would see her again.

As he came into view of the piano, he could see that she was nowhere to be seen, just like when she vanished the day before.

Shaking the thought from his mind, he approached the piano. He noticed a piece of paper on the cover. Reading it, it said: _'Valse' (Waltz) from 'The Sleeping Beauty'_ , by Tchaikovsky, arranged by Rachmaninoff.

Instantly remembering how to play it, Yuzuru sat down, opened the piano, and let his hands do the rest. Immediately, his fingers leapt with grace from note to note, playing the intro.

 _He was sitting at a desk, in a classroom. The teacher was going on a lecture about the Sengoku Jidai, which Yuzuru was paying little attention to. Looking out the window, he let his mind wander, wondering what his mom would give him as a snack before piano lessons after school._

Grade school. Finally, Yuzuru was remembering more about his childhood. His classmates, his teachers, and his family were all becoming much clearer to him.

 _He was giving a performance at the talent show, piano of course. After the show, his friend Hinata ran up to him, followed by another friend, Yuri._

" _Yuzuru! That was great! You have got to teach me the piano sometime!" Hinata exclaimed brightly._

" _Haha, thanks for the encouragement! As for teaching you… Well-" Yuzuru started._

" _This guy couldn't concentrate for more than 5 minutes without losing focus!" Yuri cut in, jabbing Hinata in the stomach. "Seriously though, that was a great performance."_

" _Hey, what do you mean I can't focus for more than 5 minutes? Was that an insult?" Hinata replied to Yuri._

 _Yuzuru just watched his 2 friends squabble, just like they always did. It was a familiar dynamic, and Yuzuru was happy with the way things were._

As his hands kept moving, he remembered that this Waltz was the one he played for that talent show, all those years back, reminding him of his two close friends.

" _Are we there yet?" Yuzuru asked._

" _Just a while longer!" his mother replied._

 _It was summertime, and his parents told him they were going on a picnic. Needless to say, Yuzuru was very excited. They had been driving for so long, though, that Yuzuru was becoming a little impatient._

 _They finally stopped in front of a small house. They were in the mountains, where Yuzuru had never been to before._

" _Yuzuru, this is our mountain cabin." his dad explained. "You've never been here before, but we plan to visit this place more often."_

 _Yuzuru remembered that first picnic out in the yard, on the checkered picnic blanket with the sun beating down. He was very happy, with his two loving parents, and he had a great time at the cabin, exploring and relaxing._

Yuzuru looked up at the sun, reminiscing, having finished the song. The house was the mountain cabin his parents brought him to many times during his childhood, and the first memory he had was certainly one of many of the family having dinner together. All the memories were from when he was a child, perhaps around the age of 13. His friends, Hinata and Yuri, he had known since he was a young child. These memories were warm, welcoming. It made him feel happy.

As he returned to the cabin, he wondered about one thing.

If all of these childhood memories were happy ones, why did the first one that returned to him hurt so much? 

He forgot about the thought as he went back.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, he returned back to the clearing, and sure enough, just like the previous day, there was a note with some writing on it. _Liebesleid,_ Love's Sorrow, by Kreisler.

Repeating the same process as the previous day, Yuzuru rested his fingers on the keys, and let them go to work.

 _It was the girl again, the one from his memories. He was older, 16 maybe, and she was the same age. They were in the clearing together, and she was playing the piano while he sat on the ground, staring up into the sky._

" _Hey, how did the piano get up here again?" Yuzuru asked._

" _You don't remember?" The girl spoke in a soft, almost delicate voice. "You complained about not having a piano to play at the cabin, so, my family being friends with yours, and having an extra piano around, our fathers brought this one up here for the both of us."_

" _I don't remember that. Well, at least I can do something up here in this stranded mountain." Yuzuru said._

 _The girl, finished her song, switched places with Yuzuru. He began to play a piece._

 _The girl giggled softly. "It's not all that bad up here. It's very peaceful, and besides, it's a place where we can be alone together, unbothered."_

 _Yuzuru blushed slightly, staying silent._

" _Oh, and by the way, you made a couple of mistakes," the girl pointed out coyly. "Don't think I didn't hear that."_

" _Sh-shut up!" Yuzuru replied._

She felt special to him, somehow, but he couldn't place the feeling. Frustrated, Yuzuru continued playing. Somehow, he felt the tone shift a little bit.

 _Yuzuru was at the mountain cabin, alone. His parents were out running errands, and Yuzuru was old enough to look over the cabin in their absence. Summer was nearly ending, and soon Yuzuru would have to return to school._

 _Yuzuru sighed, a little bit bored. Is was nighttime, so he couldn't really do much. There wasn't reception or cable at the cabin either, so he was left to reading._

 _Then, he heard a great clap of thunder, and rain started to pour down. Great._

 _He noticed that his parents weren't back yet, and that they probably wouldn't until the storm subsided. The road up the mountain wasn't the safest in a storm. He tried to get some rest, but couldn't fall asleep because of the thunder until very late._

 _The next day, the storm had died down. Yuzuru ate, then spent the day like he usually did, up at the clearing. Thankfully, the piano was undamaged because of the cover his dad and him had made. He played for a long time, then returned to the cabin._

 _His parents still weren't back yet. Irritated, Yuzuru knew that they should have returned, but dismissed the thought. They probably stayed with a friend or something, he guessed._

 _Another day passed. Yuzuru was starting to get slightly worried. He wasn't the type to panic in a situation, and he calmed himself down and thought of the possibilities, avoiding one particular one._

 _The days came and went, with no sign of his parents, and with each passing one Yuzuru became more worried. What if… No. He couldn't think like that. It was unhealthy._

 _An entire week had passed since his parents left the cabin. They told Yuzuru they would return the next day at the latest, and almost frantic with worry, he was fearing for the worst. He was pacing up and down the halls of the cabin, unable to calm down._

 _There was a knock on the front door. Yuzuru snapped his head toward the source of the sound then promptly walked towards it. It must be his parents, he thought. They had a lot of explaining to do, to make up for their long absence. Expecting his parents when he opened the door, he was surprised to see the girl. After seeing him, her expression turned slightly dark._

" _Can I come in?" the girl asked quietly._

 _Nodding silently, Yuzuru motioned for her to enter, as he had many times before._

 _They ended up in his room, sitting on his bed. The atmosphere was thick, and the whole interaction was filled with an uneasy silence._

" _Well?" Yuzuru asked, quietly._

" _Yuzuru, I have something… To tell you." she spoke._

" _Is it about my parents?"_

 _At the mention of his parents, she froze up a little bit._

" _They must have some sort of explanation for why they were gone for so long." he said._

" _Yuzuru…" she muttered._

" _I know that there was a big storm, but that doesn't excuse their absence," Yuzuru continued._

" _Yuzuru." she said, a little louder._

" _I mean, what kind of parents tell their son that they'll be gone for a day, then disappear for a whole week?!" Yuzuru said with an exasperated tone, his voice shaking._

" _YUZURU! Listen to me!" the girl yelled._

 _Yuzuru stopped talking. In his heart, he knew what was coming, but his mind didn't want to accept it._

" _Yuzuru, your parents…" she started, suddenly stopping as if she didn't want to continue. "They… they were in a car crash the night of the storm."_

 _Yuzuru tensed._

" _They were caught in it on the path up the mountain, and the visibility was very low. There was another car coming towards them, and they swerved to avoid it, but they couldn't realign themselves."_

 _Slowly, Yuzuru brought his head into his hands. He didn't want to hear this, they couldn't have…_

" _They crashed into the guardrail, and broke through it," the girl said painfully. "They… fell, Yuzuru. The paramedics arrived as quickly as they could, but they were too late."_

 _He felt his eyes start to tear up._

" _No…" he muttered, shaking._

" _I'm so sorry, Yuzuru. They're gone." she finished, quietly._

 _Yuzuru felt his chest hurting, right where his heart was, and couldn't stop the feelings that came. Sorrow, grief. It was as if his heart was breaking. It hurt. The pain was unbearable._

 _She turned slowly to look at him. "Yu-Yuzuru?"_

 _There were tears streaming down his face. His parents, the ones who raised him, supported him, loved him… They were dead._

" _It can't be… Why? Why? They didn't deserve this." Yuzuru started to ramble. "They're gone, and… I'm alone."_

 _Yuzuru cried, the loss of his parents shaking him down to his very core. "I'm alone, alone. It's just me now. Why?"_

 _It was in this moment of seeming hopeless despair, where Yuzuru felt he was in the deepest pit he could never escape, that he felt a pair of arms envelop him._

" _You're not alone," she spoke. "I'm right here in front of you."_

 _Yuzuru noticed her through the fog of despair, and said something._

" _Promise me…"_

" _Hmm?" she replied, not hearing him._

" _Kanade, promise me something," Yuzuru said._

" _What is it, Yuzuru?" Kanade replied softly._

" _Please, promise me. Promise me you won't leave me."_

" _Yuzuru…" she spoke._

" _Promise me you'll stay with me forever, Kanade. Don't leave me." Yuzuru spoke through tears, barely able to form words._

" _I promise." she said._

 _As he wept in her arms, she comforted him. He was damaged, he knew, and she was the only thing preventing him from breaking apart. He was grateful for her. Without her, he'd be nothing._

The song was finished, and he was crying. How could he have forgotten? His parents had died, and only now was he feeling the sorrow that accompanied the painful memory.

Suddenly he remembered the last part, and _her_. Yuzuru stood up and quickly looked around, his eyes still filled with tears.

Over by the path entrance, there she was, holding one arm behind her back. She slowly looked upward at Yuzuru.

This time, Yuzuru found the voice to speak.

"Kanade!" he yelled loudly, reaching out to her.

He ran towards her, only for her to turn around, shedding a single tear.

She turned the corner of the path, and by the time Yuzuru reached the path, she was nowhere to be seen.

"Kanade…" he whispered to himself.

Tachibana Kanade was his good childhood friend. He knew her through his parents, as both his mother and her father were world-class pianists. Of course, following in their parents' footsteps, Yuzuru and Kanade both played as well, and got to know one another at a very young age.

Yuzuru was done with the memories today. They were painful, but he had to endure them. He had to know what his past was. He had everything back to himself again, up until after his parents' death. Tomorrow would reveal more, he felt.

Feeling depressed, Yuzuru slowly returned to the cabin and prepared himself mentally for the coming day.


	6. Chapter 6

As the next day arrived, Yuzuru rose, and followed the steps he had taken the days previous.

He felt heavy as he climbed up the path. He was mentally and emotionally strained, he knew, but he had to know what lied ahead.

Finally reaching the clearing, he walked up to the piano, seeing an identical piece of paper.

The words written on this one: _Ballade No. 1 in G Minor,_ by Chopin.

Feeling strangely uneasy, he sat down and prepared to play the piece.

Somewhere from deep within his subconscious, something was telling him to stop. It was practically screaming for him to do something, anything but this.

His mind was confusing him. Doubtfully, he tried not to think of it, and placed his hands on the keyboard.

As he willed his hands to start playing, he heard someone say something behind him.

"I'm sorry."

Turning his head around, he saw Kanade, just the same as he saw her the previous days, her head directed at the ground, with an unmistakably sad look on her face.

He knew right then that he should have stopped himself, that he was making a mistake.

But he was too late. His fingers had started playing the introduction, and he turned his head back to the piano. He tried to stop playing, but his hands wouldn't stop. Nothing could be done now.

 _Two years had passed since the death of his parents. He was 18 now, and his life had continued like usual._

 _He was sad about the passing of his parents, but to his friends and other onlookers, he had moved on._

 _Although he knew deep within that it was only because of Kanade that he recovered. Without her support, things would have turned out very differently._

 _He was lucky to have her. They even went to the same high school, so they saw each other more often now. He lived alone, and she visited him frequently._

 _He almost gave up the piano because of his parents' death, but with Kanade's firm opposition of him quitting, he continued._

 _The Eastern Japan Piano Competition was coming up, and that would determine Yuzuru's path for the future._

 _Kanade pushed him to try for it, as he hadn't done any competitions recently, and to get into a good music school, the competition would basically be a guarantee._

 _He had asked her for a song to perform, as he didn't know what to choose, and so she told him to play her favorite piece: Ballade no. 1 in G Minor._

 _He really was grateful for her. She had been such a good friend for many years, and Yuzuru always knew he could count on her._

 _Yuzuru had feelings for her, but could never bring himself to admit them._

 _A week before the competition, on a day that winter, he received a call from her._

" _What are you doing now, Yuzuru?" she asked._

" _I'm out at the moment," replied Yuzuru._

" _Out doing what? If you have nothing better to do, you should be practicing!" she scolded him._

" _Of course, Kanade. I'll return home soon. I'll finish up here." Yuzuru said._

" _I'll visit later, alright?" Kanade asked._

" _Sure, see you soon then." Yuzuru spoke._

 _Later, Yuzuru was at home, preparing dinner. He heard a knock on the door. Answering it, Kanade greeted him as usual._

 _They had dinner together. It was not an uncommon habit, and they had done it many times before._

 _She asked to hear his progress on the song, so they went upstairs to Yuzuru's piano._

 _Things progressed like normal, she was pointing out every mistake she heard, much to Yuzuru's dismay._

 _But then, Yuzuru noticed something a little… off._

 _Kanade's breathing was a little ragged, and he could hear her trying to calm herself down._

" _Are you alright?" asked Yuzuru. He was starting to get a little worried._

" _Yes, I'm… fine." Kanade replied uncertainly._

 _Yuzuru continued like normal, reaching the ending partition of the song._

" _Yuzuru," Kanade interrupted. "Wait, I need to say something."_

" _Yes? What is it?" Yuzuru asked, stopping._

 _She was staggering, almost falling down. Yuzuru rushed to support her._

" _What's wrong, Kanade?" asked Yuzuru, worried. "Should I get help? You don't seem very well."_

" _Yuzuru, listen for a second," Kanade started, her breathing heavy._

" _I'm listening," Yuzuru replied uncertainly, practically holding her. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, worried. He was sure now that something was very wrong._

 _She felt weak in his arms. As she struggled to lean up, she lifted herself so her mouth was by Yuzuru's ear._

" _Yuzuru… I-I love you." she whispered weakly._

 _And then she collapsed._

 _Yuzuru shook her lightly, to which there was no reaction. "Kanade! Kanade! Say something!" he spoke, panicking._

 _He then realized that what she just said was a confession._

 _Lying her down on the ground, his brain went into emergency mode. He checked her pulse, and to his horror, she didn't have one._

 _He quickly called emergency services, and returned to where Kanade was lying, limp on the floor._

 _He performed CPR on her without a second thought._

" _Come on! Wake up!" he exclaimed, exasperated. "Please wake up!"_

 _His actions weren't having any effect. Trying to stay calm, he kept on trying to revive her._

 _He was still trying, unwilling to give up, up until the ambulance came._

 _Yuzuru was waiting outside of a hospital room._

 _It was that same feeling that he had when his parents had disappeared. That torturous, painful dread. The feeling was eating him up, so much so that he felt the last remaining bit of hope he had was gone._

 _He couldn't lose her. She was all he had left._

 _And she had_ promised _him._

 _Just then, the doctor came out of the room._

" _How is she? Is she okay?" Yuzuru asked the doctor, trembling._

 _Dreading the response, Yuzuru almost didn't want to know._

 _The doctor opened his eyes, looked at Yuzuru with an air of sympathy, and shook his head._

" _I'm sorry." he said. "We couldn't save her."_

 _Yuzuru's world broke. His fragile heart that Kanade had helped him mend two years ago broke anew, deeper than it ever had._

 _Yuzuru felt himself crumble. Falling to his knees, he buried his head in his hands, and wept._

 _She had died from a heart attack. She was born with a weak heart, and so it was always a possibility._

 _He grieved for a long time, and when he was done, he was a changed person._

 _Her parents asked him to give a speech at her funeral, but, it being too painful, he apologized and said that he couldn't._

 _Yuzuru fell into a downward spiral. His heart felt as if it had shattered into a million pieces, and he couldn't cope with the loss of the people he loved. There was nothing left for him anymore, and the world lost colour, and turned gray._

 _She had promised she wouldn't leave him, and yet, she was gone now._

 _Yuzuru, trying one last-ditch attempt to correct himself, tried the one thing that could have saved him._

 _He tried to play the piano. He didn't care what he played, so long as it boosted his mood._

 _It only did the opposite._

 _Unconsciously, he ended up playing Ballade No. 1 in G Minor, and as soon as he noticed it, he regretted it._

 _It only made him feel worse. It was as if the music was taunting him, and he couldn't take it._

 _He stopped, and never touched a piano again._

 _Depression set in, and everything that followed was a murky haze._

 _School, friends, eventually everything sort of just stopped. All that was left was a sense of nothingness._


	7. Chapter 7

Everything hurt. His arms, his stomach, his heart, his head. It hurt so much, he didn't know how he was still sitting up. Barely aware of anything else, he could only accept the darkness that seemed to consume him. Torment, grief, and sorrow couldn't begin to describe the length of pain he felt.

Eventually, he just stopped. He didn't want the pain. If only he could-

Oh.

That's right.

He committed suicide.

 _That night, he went to the roof of his high school._

 _He was already dead inside, so what would it matter?_

 _It was a release from everything, and Yuzuru was desperate for such a release._

 _He was a completely different person than the Yuzuru from 2, 4 years ago. He was destroyed. There was nothing more to be done._

 _He looked down at the ground from the edge of the roof, undaunted by the wind._

 _He had made up his decision a long time ago, unfazed by the notion of death. In fact, he welcomed it._

 _He raised his arms up, and fell forward._

His body was shaking from the shock and sadness of his life. Everything was where it should be, the picture complete. It was no wonder his memories were so painful.

Why did he have to go through this, to relive his memories again? What was the purpose? He felt like he wanted to die again, to be ignorant from the pain.

Then, behind him, he heard Kanade, who he had forgotten was there, say something.

"I never got to say I'm sorry, so I'll say it now." she said.

"I'm sorry." Kanade started to say, tears running down her face. "I'm.. so sorry."

Yuzuru stopped shaking, then removed his hands and lifted his face to look at Kanade.

His eyes still shedding tears, he replied: "Why? It wasn't your fault."

"I caused you so much pain." she spoke, turning away from Yuzuru. "And I couldn't keep my promise."

In that moment, Yuzuru felt something other than his own pain. It was Kanade's pain and regret. For some reason, it made him happy. It made him know he truly wasn't suffering alone.

He embraced Kanade, and simply said: "I forgive you."

They cried into each other's' shoulders, letting out all the sorrow and grief they had.

Yuzuru carried Kanade down the path.

"So, I guess… We're okay now?" Yuzuru asked.

"I've come to terms with my regret now," Kanade said. "And I can finally accept it after meeting you again."

"Yeah," Yuzuru said, "Me too."

"This world, then," Yuzuru mentioned, "What's up with it?"

"It's kind of like an afterlife, where we come to accept our regrets in life," Kanade explained, "That's why things are different. Time moves differently, and being dead, we don't need to eat or sleep."

"So then, that white light, is that what I think it is?" said Yuzuru.

"Yes, if we step into that light, we will return to the mortal world." Kanade replied. "Or at least, that's what I think."

"Why can't we just stay here, together?" Yuzuru said. "It's been so long…"

"It's kind of different here." Kanade spoke. "It's like we aren't really living."

Yuzuru sighed, and continued walking, still carrying Kanade.

Yuzuru stopped in front of the light, and let Kanade down.

"Before we go, I have one more wish." Yuzuru said.

"And what would that be?" Kanade asked, looking up at Yuzuru.

Yuzuru leaned down and put his lips to hers.

"Alright, no more regrets." Yuzuru said, quietly.

"Well then, shall we?" asked Kanade, blushing.

"Together," said Yuzuru.

"Together." repeated Kanade.

They stepped into the light, hand in hand, and vanished.

 _End_


End file.
